Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
