WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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