I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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