I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
