I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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