the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
