Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
