Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
