I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
