Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
