I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
