i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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