I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
