Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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