So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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