we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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