I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize