I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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