Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
