I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
