can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
