So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
