we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
