nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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