Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
