I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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