Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first

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  (773): So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first http://tfl.nu/bbw8
  Replies (13) Good night (2439) Bad night (1117)
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  (925): View more from California

  make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.

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  (925): make sure i look cute passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/459h
  Replies (41) Good night (5643) Bad night (726)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.

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  (952): He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job. (320): Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud. http://tfl.nu/wke9
  Replies (38) Good night (7722) Bad night (764)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.

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  (803): there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina. http://tfl.nu/qg49
  Replies (28) Good night (1090) Bad night (20227)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish his dick was as long as his hair.

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  (617): I wish his dick was as long as his hair. http://tfl.nu/x3k7
  Replies (13) Good night (1074) Bad night (6808)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.

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  (709): Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you. http://tfl.nu/s4f8
  Replies (13) Good night (1346) Bad night (3586)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.

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  (978): i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous. (603): it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup. http://tfl.nu/1y0h
  Replies (5) Good night (1749) Bad night (1050)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??

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  (304): Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away?? http://tfl.nu/5x5i
  Replies (4) Good night (1648) Bad night (1149)
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  (661): View more from California

  It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas

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  (661): It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas http://tfl.nu/7a5h
  Replies (9) Good night (1518) Bad night (749)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"

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  (907): We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!" http://tfl.nu/scid
  Replies (12) Good night (1499) Bad night (805)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.

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  (201): Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics. http://tfl.nu/mn0a
  Replies (6) Good night (862) Bad night (575)
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  (415): View more from California

  If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will

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  (415): If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will http://tfl.nu/eboo
  Replies (4) Good night (955) Bad night (341)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee

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  (412): do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee http://tfl.nu/2isz
  Replies (6) Good night (816) Bad night (229)
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  (760): View more from California

  I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.

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  (760): I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream. http://tfl.nu/cnux
  Replies (2) Good night (258) Bad night (605)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.

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  (781): oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games. http://tfl.nu/o181
  Replies (0) Good night (453) Bad night (367)

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