Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
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like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3