i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.