he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this beer tastes like vomit already
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
do nipples grow back?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
