I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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