nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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