Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
