She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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