I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
NoShamevember. You game?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
