Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
