just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
