Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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