i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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