This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
