dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize