Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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