Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
