I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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