So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
