I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I intend to get homeless drunk
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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