we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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