I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You are the jesus of drinking
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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