I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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