I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
