That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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