I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
