if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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