wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
