I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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