Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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