I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
