Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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