My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dick very happy bro
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
