I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
