So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
