You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just wanna soil my oats bro
wakey wakey hands off snakey
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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