hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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