Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
