my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
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i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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