I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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