I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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