Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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