You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
