Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize