In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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